Got jokes?

Started by brosecutor Jun 09th, 2023 at 13:51
brosecutor
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Jun 09th, 2023 at 13:51

A man is sitting on the couch, pondering stuff, apparently lost in thought. His wife sees him like this and sits down beside him to see what's wrong.

W: Honey, what's the matter, you seem so distant right now. What's bothering you?

M: I've just been thinking... You've been with me through all my troubles and hard times. You were there when that vicious dog attacked me and I ran of fear for my life - I ran for 10 miles straight before the dog gave up on the chase. You were there when I had that car accident and fell into a coma for a month. You were there when my company went bankrupt and we lost all our assets. You were there when my brother forged my father's signature and gained everything from his estate and I was left with nothing....

W: Aww honey, you know I love you! I'll always be there for you. All I care is you, and nothing else!

M: No woman.... I think you bring me bad luck!

brosecutor
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Jun 12th, 2023 at 01:02

Three construction workers all have lunch together on top of a tall building.


The first one opens his lunch box and sees a tuna sandwich. "Man... another tuna sandwich?! I swear, if I have to eat another one of these I'm jumping off this building!"
The second one opens his lunch box and sees a turkey sandwich. "Man... turkey sandwich again!? If I have the same tomorrow, I'm jumping with you buddy."
The third one has a meatball sandwich in his lunchbox and goes through the same emotions as the other two. All of them are pissed but they eat their lunch and get back to work.

The next day, all three sit down to eat again.

First one opens the lunch box, sees a tuna sandwich, writes a goodbye note and jumps off the building.
Second one, sees a turkey sandwich and follows the first guy.
Third one, opens the lunch box, sees a meatball sandwich, facepalms, and just jumps off the building following the other two workers.

A couple of days later, at their funerals, their wives meat and discuss what happened.

First wife says. "I can't understand, why didn't he just say that he'd like something else for lunch..."
The second wife, clearly pissed, says, "I can't understand why he never said anything. What a jerk!"
The third wife, visibly confused, just says, "I can't understand, he always made his own lunch..."

mrhoff
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Jun 22nd, 2023 at 11:13

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and... OH, MY GOD!"


Silence Followed!...


Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!


One Irish passenger yelled...


"for @#*#* Sake...you should see the back of mine!!!!"